The name of the line itself gives you a clue to its intentions: I Hate Perfume by CB. CB being Christopher Brosius, founder of the Demeter line that brought us grass and dirt and laundry scents, and now debuting with his own line of like-minded anti-perfumes with titles like “In The Library” (leather bindings, worn cloth, wood polish), “Mr. Hulot’s Holiday” (driftwood, seaweed, salt breezes, leather luggage) and “In The Summer Kitchen” (home, herbs, vegetables, evening wind, old rafters).

Besides the unique smells lingering in CB’s bottles, they’re all oil & water-based, rather than being suffused in alcohol. Alcohol, explains Mr. Brosius, dries teh hair and skin and evaporates too quickly. Without it, every scent in the I Hate Perfume line smells exactly as CB intended.

From $55 at Lucky Scent

Even those of us who occasionally elect to grow out our chin pubes must trim around teh edges, so to speak. An unkempt beard isn’t a thing of beauty, gentlemen, it’s more like a monster that’s trying to take over your face.

Whether your face is bristly as Grizzly Adams or smooth as Grizzly Adams’s butt, using a good lubricating shave cream or gel is half the battle. Portugal’s Musgo Real has a whole line of amazing products that’ll make your shaving ritual much more pleasant no matter what state your face is in. You’ll get a closer shavem and the scent is “manly” without being too “Old Spice.” It’s also perfect for traveling since it comes in a convenient toothpaste tube rather than a huge, hard can.

$9.95 at Sesto Senso

I have very thick hair, and it usually does what it wants to. When I was younger and unknowing in the ways of hair product, I tried all sorts of mousses and gels and ointments and waxes in order to tame the beast. Later, when the idea of perfect male hair grooming became the ‘just fell out of bed’ look, I dropped the comb and brush and surrendered to my hair’s power, allowing it to do pretty much as it pleased.

Until, that is, I discovered Japan’s little secret, Hair Grease. It’s a thick gel-like pomade that washes out extremely easily, unlike some other wax-based stuff or oily pastes, and a little goes a long way. It doesn’t stink, you can buy it in four different strengths from Fiber Grease all the way to Cool Grease Z, which is a bit like shallacking your hair in clear concrete.

It’s pricey, but a jar of it lasts me a couple of months of daily wear. And to quote the amazingly kitchy label, “this incredible pomade… that holds styling shape in place. And does notharm or demege your hair for everyday look.”

$28.99 for 210g at Henry Blaine Hair Products.

Every bathroom needs a weird product in it so your visitors have something to read or look at while passing… the time away. Usually this is something like interesting scented soap you never intend to use or, worse, that sexual aid you hid under the sink and forgot about except when your nosey aunt from Toledo comes to town and wonders what a ‘buttplug’ is used for, exactly.

Rather than tempt your friends and relations to search through the forgotten nooks and crannies of your medicine cabinet, why not provide something odd and unusual for them to ponder right out in the open. Smallflower offers Dabur Red Tooth Powder from our friends in India. It’s an ayurvedic that’s touted to promote healthy gums and a thorough teeth cleaning sans the chemicals and detergents found in your average, ordinary toothpaste.

If nothing else, you can amaze your friends by using the term ‘ayurvedic’ (a holistic system of healing which evolved among the Brahmin sages of ancient India some 3000-5000 years ago) in conversation.

$3.00 at smallflower.

How much stuff are you piling on top of your hair? In addition to the creams, pastes, mousses, waxes, pomades and sprays you’re applying, the atmosphere around you is conspiring against the clean and shiny that you want your hair to display.

You use Frédéric Fekkai’s Apple Cider Clearning Rinse before you shampoo and condition. You don’t have to use it every day — in fact, Fréd advises against it — but you use it when things are getting flat and lifeless upstairs. The apple cider clears out the build-up, while sage and rosemary add softness and shine. And don’t worry, it doesn’t smell like vinegar. You thought you’d spend this much on a pre-shampooing conditioner and it would smell bad?

$16.50 at Sephora.

Here’s a thing that defies logic but it works anyway so I’ll just shut up and tell you about it. Body Shop’s Bergamot Salt Scrub comes in a little plastic jug sealed with a metal clasp, so that’s cool. Inside, what you have is, well, coarse salt soaking in a brine of bergamot, sesame and soy oils.

So then what you do is you’re standing in the shower and you’ve already, you know, showered and stuff and now it’s time to scrub. Scoop out a handful of the oily salt and start rubbing it all over your skin. One would imagine that the salt would dry you out, but the oils do the exact opposite and what you end up with, believe it or not, is about the softest skin you can imagine — plus you smell like fresh, citrusy bergamot! Two birds, as they say.

$24.00 at The Body Shop. Also available: Lavender or Peppermint.

I have never had a bikini wax, but I’ve shaved… parts of my body that might be described as more tender than others, and I would never, ever consider slathering my… nether regions in hot wax and ripping out the hairs. Yet, you gals are doing that sort of thing all the time!

That said, when I saw this I thought to myself, “well, that sounds a lot nicer than ripping out your curly cues without benefit of strong drink, at least.” No-Scream Cream is a topical anesthetic you apply “down there” 30-45 minutes before your appointed torture. They guarantee you a less painful waxing experience, and isn’t that worth fifteen bucks?

$14.95 at SpaCadet.

Comme des Garçons delights in defying conventional wisdom when it comes to everything they create. Though better known for fashion, they have also created several lines of interesting, very complicated fragrances that combine unusual scents like tar, white pepper, ozone, cake batter and chili pepper with the more expected flavors of rose, cedar, vetiver and patchouli.

Comme des Garçons Series 3: Incense is a set of five different fragrances inspired by the far east and the spiritual side of your senses. Avignon brings together chamomile, vanilla and patchouli with cistus oil, palisander and ambrette seeds yielding a clean, forest scent. Kyoto pulls in coffee, amber, vetiver and cypress, combining spicy and sweet notes together.

Jaisalmer defines “woody scent,” throwing in cinnamon and cardamom on top of amber, ebony and guaiac wood. Ouarzazate (the name comes from a mountain city in Morocco) smells as clean and fresh as the mountain air, with a touch of musk and nutmeg on top of sage. Finally, my personal favorite, Zagorsk, based on crisp notes of pine and cedar, yielding to light touches of violet and iris in a perfect balance of masculine and feminine.

$54.00 each at Luckyscent.

This one is for all you guys and gals who either A) enjoy silly names on your personal care products so as to amuse your envious guests that you are so cool and weird or B) want to smell like food after your shower so that your significant other will want to eat you in some form or another or C) all of the above.

If you’ve been keeping track of things here, you’ll know that I love Lush, the Canadian firm that makes all kinds of natural products to smear all over yourself to feel generally cleaner, happier and more fulfilled. Today, I bring you Sonic Death Monkey: The Shower Gel.

A Vegan-friendly product, you can bring it with you to the gym and avoid using whatever the hell it is they provide in their shower pumps (in mine, I believe it is some form of phlegm) and not smell like everyone else wandering confused from the lockerroom. Sonic Death Monkey is made from coffee and cocoa, and lime, hemp, tangerine, orange and vanilla oils (among other things) and what you end up with is the best looking cookie in the jar — you!

$18.95 at LUSH.

As R.E.M. once sang, everybody hurts some time. And if you shave some part of your body, you probably bleed sometimes, too. The method your dad or mom told you — stick a little piece of toilet paper on it until it stops — well, how many times have you left the house with toilet paper on your face?

Me, too! So here’s a tool you can keep in your medicine cabinet and it’ll end those embarrassing days for you, plus it lasts a long, long time. êShave’s Alum Block is a medicated stone (yes, it’s a rock) containing alum and potassium. The alum will stop your bleeding almost immediately by literally shrinking your pores, and the potassium is an anticeptic. You just wet the stone under cold water and stick it on your bleeding face to stop it bleeding. Also: use it after shaving to cleanse your skin and close those pores up.

$16.00 at smallflower.

Selecting a scent is an incredibly personal thing. It’s difficult to tell exactly what nuance of flowery or citrus or woodsy or smoky someone is going to prefer. And you never know what it’s going to smell like when it reacts with your own body chemistry until you give it a personal test drive.

Those caveats aside, Comme des Garçon’s 2 Man fragrance starts off smelling very earthy and smoky, then gradually softens to a more woodsy and almost floral scent that’s neither too sweet nor too spicy for my tastes. It’s surprising and very original — go give it a try.

$45.00 at Sephora.com.

This is, admittedly, a very weird product. Not being a dog owner, I’m not aware of too many things you can share with your canine pal. I’d imagine that anything a dog is going to put in their mouth isn’t normally something you’re going to put in yours.

This, then, is the exception to that rule. Burt’s Bees’ Peppermint Breath Drops for Man and Beast can be used to unstinkify your dog’s breath, or your own. It contains chlorophyll, a natural deodorizer, and peppermint oil in a solution of glycerin and purified water. You shake the bottle and squeeze the eye dropper to suck up a modicum of the dark green syrupy stuff and drip it on your tongue, then swish it around and, voila, you’re unstinkified.

What the dog does is his or her own affair.

$5.99 at drugstore.com.

Oral care is a pain, let’s face it. But when you’re not taking care of your teeth, gums, tongue and whatever the hell that other thing is in the back, you can be… quite off-putting. I’m sure we all know someone whose breath is, shall we say, horrible?

In addition to flossing and brushing (which I’m sure you’re already doing, right?) you may need an occasional flushing in there, but if you’re like me you find most of the mouthwash products on the market almost painfully strong. They’re either medicinal or way, way, just way too minty.

France has the answer. L’Eau de Botot is billed as the world’s first mouthwash, but so what? It’s a red concentrate you mix with hot water, so it lasts a long time and you can carry it with you on trips. The taste is more herbal and natural than sweet or alcoholic, with cinnmon, ginger and licorice the prodominant flavors. And instead of smelling like a chewing gum wrapper, your breath is all spicy and sexy.

$10.00 at smallflower.

Speaking of pit stains, you know your sweat doesn’t stink, right? It’s the bacteria that lives in your armpits and thrives on the warm moistness there that sends out those shockwaves of stench your friends won’t tell you about. And there you go slathering your skin in chemicals and pastes and metal flakes that clog your pores and do more harm than good.

You’re supposed to sweat, like it or not, but you don’t have to smell bad, too. Kiss My Face offers Liquid Rock, which contains natural ingredients to inhibit bacterial growth and neutralize the acids that add to your unwanted fragrance, without adding any fragrance of its own. I must emphasize that this is a deodorant and not an anti-pirspirant. You’ll still pirspire as nature intends—only without the stink.

$5.00 at drugstore.com.

I’ve recommended this product before on another of my copious online time-wasters, but I had occasion to need some conditioning over the weekend and was reminded of how great this stuff is. So here it is again!

philosophy is a kind of hit-or-miss line of cosmetics and personal care products. Sometimes they have a great scent and don’t do a great job. Other times, it’s the other way around, but when they get it right, it’s perfect. For me, such a product is “head trip,” a once-a-week deep conditioner for your hair.

It’s a kind of thick goop you slather into your just-shampooed frocks and leave it in while you shower the rest of the week’s detritus from your body. You might just make it part of a Sunday Best shower treatment where you exfoliate as you condition, since you’ll want to leave this in for a few minutes (at least 5, at most 20) to get the full effects. Your hair will end up shiny, soft and beautiful — just like you!

$13.00 at philosophy.com.

Plagued by stinky feet, are we? Afraid to remove your shoes in case the rest of the room passes out from the fetid stench you’ve managed to build between your toes?

Worry not, oh stink-plagued one! Lush comes to your rescue with T for Toes, a powder you can shake directly on your tired tootsies or inside your shoes to fend off sweat and bank down those disgusting fumes. And rather than trying to drown them with sickly sweet perfumes, T uses oil of lime and tea tree to neutralize the bacteria, bicarbinate of soda to soak up the excess sweat and some other natural herbals to control the wetness you’ve got going on where you don’t want it.

$7.15 at LUSH

My boyfriend is so sensitive. No, not his feelings, his face. He chides me for recommending any sort of exfolient for his delicate condition, and I have to admit that even the least amount of oatmeal in a bar of soap leaves his skin red and angry. Obviously, shaving isn’t something he enjoys.

But the lad swears by Cade shaving cream. The cedar and juniper scent accompanies a rich mousse that coats the skin with Shea butter and glycerin. It ain’t cheap, boys, but if you find your face doesn’t like any of the shaving preps lining your bathroom shelf unused, this may be your answer.

$27.00 at L’OCCITANE en Provence. Cade after shave balm and splash also available.